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Deja Vu

[ website | spanish harlem ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[23 Aug 2006|06:21am]
wow, it's been a wopping 3 months since i've made any contact with this website at all so i thought i'd let you know what's going on in my life.
ok, first, i had a friend OD off of medicine and pills. it was a great day, ya know, taking him to the hospital, getting his stomach pumped, having him be pissed at me for a little while. it seemed like the hospital was the best idea, i'd rather have lost a friend and have him be alive than literally losing a friend. everything's good with him now though, healthy as a horse and happier than he was.
second, one of my friends has a drug problem. he was snorting coke, smoking (which, honestly, doesnt bother me..if you know me at all....), taking other such things, but what suprised/schocked/scared me the most was that he was shooting up cocaine. yup, my best friend and he hides it from me. i didnt know he was shooting up until he got arrested for possesion of marijuana, coke, and hypodermic needles, not mention that he also got caught with the spoon, pipes, baking soda...all that good stuff. i remember the way he looked after the night he was caught and the things he was telling me about getting his fix and how it made him feel and how he needed the coke and the triple C's and the OC's and everything he took. he got a year probation cus of a clean record. he also got 2 weeks of rehab which made me happy because it seems like he might actually be getting the help he defintely needs. and i need for him to be better and be happier, because he falls into these severe depressions and its literally killing me. i haven't slept much the whole time he's been messed up. i mean, 5 hours of sleep over the period 60 hours wasn't cutting it. and to top it off, he left his house last night without telling his parents (who have him under house arrest - no car, no phone, no friends, no anything) a cop found him wandering down route 6 because he sank into a severe depression again. the cop brought him home and his mom called me to let me know he was alright. he doesn't think anyone cares about him, he figures himself a burden to everyone so he felt he needed to get away. he's no burden at all. what he needs is to get help so he can see he's not a burden, but a blessing....
thirddddd, my grandfather is in surgery right now for his heart. all i can do is wait until my dad calls from the hospital to see how he is...
and lastlyyyyyyy, i couldnt go to maine with ellen my best friend in the entire world because my world is falling apart a bit. i miss her and all the girls so much. i think being back at school will be good for me, just to be able to relax and see my favorites and sleep and just get back to normal for a bit.

but aside from all that silly depressing nonsense, i've been pretty happy. i feel that for the most part my friends are the greatest people i could ever be around. they've been with me through everything and i can;t thank god enough for the relief i've been getting from them. and guess what??
i'm going to see roger waters play on september 8 with jay and kevin and kyle and such and i could not be more excited. i mean..it's roger waters!! ahhhhh, the excitement is building up so much i could burst. but before i see roger...i move back into stonehill!!!!!! yayyy

alright, peace out homies.
waiting for the sun

[29 Mar 2006|07:37pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

i think i'm coming back to who i am...

2 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

ashes to ashes, we all fall down [29 Jan 2006|09:02pm]
[ mood | enough said. ]

so how are things??
ummmmm, ok i guess.
last week wasnt the greatest, but what are ya gonna do??
- ryan left, i won't see him for abour 6 months, and then he's moving away for good - he promised to write some letters though.
- sometimes people keep me as a secret, yup, thats cool...
- apparently i'm not the greatest person to room with.
- i have a very intense, and most times unpredictable, insomnia problem.
` i thought i knew, but i realize i have no idea what i want to do with my life anymore, even though i try really hard to picture myself with a job. i can't do it really. it's so hard becuase the things i actually feel any sort of passion towards seem to prove themselves unstable, i'm not good enough to pursue them, or i'll be living as a bum and sleeping on a park bench for the rest of my life - which i don;t really have any objection to, but my dad does. I really don;t mind if i have money or not, if i'm poor or rich - does it really make a difference?? well, yes, because obviously we live in an overwhelmingly emperical world and yes, money does help - i'll be comfortbale and i wont have to worry about bills or credit or anything. but money really doesn't buy happiness and i've had to realize this in some of the most crude and unbelievable ways, and so i now know that all i want in life is to be happy, to be in love, and not have to see the world as a cold, cruel, miserbale place. i want to see it for what it is, for the beauty it holds and the miracles it produces. i want to be free. i want to be myself. and i need to end this entry because i'm rambling.

wow, what a way to start and conclude one of my usually short and definitely infrequent entries.

peace. (well, hopefully...)

3 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

[22 Dec 2005|03:48pm]
[ mood | buzzin ]

so i flipped out again.

i'm a bad friend.

2 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

[15 Nov 2005|06:25pm]
[ mood | ahhh ]

ive been awake for a looong time.
um, me ellen and nico went to the sheep pasture today.
beep beep, sleep sleep.
haha, yepp, it was fun.
then we took alot of hiking trails and built a fort in the forest, then we went back to visit the sheep, the cow, the peacock, and the turkeys.
now nico is asleep.
ellen is asleep and will be awake in three hours.
i think i'm going to sleep soon.

waiting for the sun

[31 Oct 2005|10:33am]
[ mood | amused ....WITH HALLOWEEN!! ]

Halloween Flashback: 1 yearCollapse )

2 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

[25 Oct 2005|02:42am]
[ mood | recumbent ]

feelings are so much more important than actions. emotions are so intense and tend to rule the habitual patten of action. like tonight, it was raining out. i know i'm crazy, a little different. the rain reminded me of a time when i was younger when my grandmother told me that when it rains, god is crying. i sat there and thought to myself, why are you crying god?? i felt this immense wave of sadness pour over me. it was the saddest i have felt in a long time. then i realized: god is crying. he's crying because of how the world is, how people act, how war rages and sometimes, people don't even realize there's a war going on around them. people are ignorant and arrogant, and we need to lighten up and let life take us where we're supposed to be. chill out man. enojy the ride.
why can't we all just get along??
how come peace of mind is so hard to find??

2 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

[18 Oct 2005|11:34pm]
[ mood | amazingggggg ]

so today was so amazingly fun. me and nico hung out today and went down to the waterfront propert where we ran into his mom's friend and i got to play with her daughter who's three and i got to see her newborn baby. ohh yeah, and i get to babysit them on fridays now and savanha,the little girl, is sooooo cute and funny and verbal. she's a blast. then went to the hill then played free pool. then we hung out with colin, we all drove to norwood to get ellen, and we picked up ryan. all five of us went to the charlie horse and played games for two hours for free cus nico works there and hooked us up. woot woot. we got SO many tickets and me and ellen gave them to little kids. it was fun. then we all hung out for more, drove around, and drove back to norwood to drop ellen off. Then i dropped nico and ryan off then me and colin hung out, and now im tired and im going to watch law and order with my lovely roommates. later.

1 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

[15 Oct 2005|01:00am]
[ mood | perplexed ]

on the most serious note ever : why???????????????





and to take my mind off of it for a bit, i guess you put your name and then "needs" into google and you get this stuff:

(all very true....)

Rachel needs to have blush that is very bright and colorful

Rachel needs help when she enters Manhattan's meat-packing district to help
three transvestite hookers find out who murdered one of their friends

Rachel needs to be locked away into a mental fuckin' institution

Rachel needs to uncover every bit of information to get to
the root of the problem…of where it all started

Rachel needs to stop kidding herself, give up music and keep posing provocatively
in those glossy mags

waiting for the sun

[09 Oct 2005|11:31pm]
[ mood | ready ]

dreams are made winding through my hair.

1 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

[08 Oct 2005|12:14am]
[ mood | older ]

so, its my birthday.








the last year i have to be a teenager



                                           how shall i  spend it??



2 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

[19 Sep 2005|06:04pm]
[ mood | sick ]

sometimes, i wish i could just say "i love you"

waiting for the sun

[07 Sep 2005|12:21pm]
[ mood | blah ]

if you smile at me,
you know i will understand

cus that is something
does in the same language.

waiting for the sun

[05 Sep 2005|12:36am]
today i went to a family reunion/barbacue, it was awesome. me amanda and sarah took some funny pictures, and some lady we're related to told us we reminded her of her neices when they were younger cus they used to hang out alot too.

hung out with jay after. then went to charles' and saw keith and helder.

then i dropped jay off and hung out with colin. fun.

now i'm back at school, procrastinating and fearing all the homework i have to do. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i love good music.

peace out.
1 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

[28 Aug 2005|03:21pm]
[ mood | awesome ]

i'm back people.


watch out stonehill.

waiting for the sun

[25 Aug 2005|12:47pm]
[ mood | silly ]

so things lately have been pretty awesome. i love life, sometimes, i love my friends and i love my sister. take a look.

i love when the nicotine crashes into my heart..so will youCollapse )

3 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

[18 Aug 2005|12:11am]
[ mood | =) ]

club hell. tuesday. 80's night. awesome. love. dancing. long island iced tea...hmmm.

2 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

psht. i dont really care anymore. [16 Jun 2005|09:49pm]
[ mood | whatever. ]



everything and more.

1 will go live shortly| waiting for the sun

s-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h ... just kiding. [10 Jun 2005|10:43pm]
[ mood | duh ]




"For millions of years mankind lived just like the animals
Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination
We learned to talk"


i worked alot today as a call-in and i had to stay to closing.  today the blender exploded on me and i was covered in orange sherbert - it was weird.  then i got my third paycheck.  now i can go for my loan.



"It doesn't have to be like this
All we need to do is make sure we keep talking"


going for my loan tommorow.  it should be a good time.  my uncle is letting me off the hook with the sales tax so that's awesome.  my uncle is a cool guy.



"It doesn't have to be like this
All we need to do is make sure we keep talking"



waiting for the sun

we got the music to keep you coming... [19 May 2005|10:18am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

summertime and the living's easy

waiting for the sun

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